Everyone has a beautiful coming out story, this is mine.
A fresh New Yorker in her mid-twenties, with a pixie cut, an idiosyncratic sense of style, oh, and identified as straight.
Before I came out, I was in and out of relationships with men. It was difficult and confusing. I always felt something was missing and gave excuses such as, “There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m just dating the wrong guys.” Little did I know, I was barking up the wrong tree.
My entire life I felt an attraction towards women, but I didn’t think it was anything more. I was like, “Oh, she’s like, really beautiful.” Yet, never went beyond that initial thought. Until my best friend, Bethany, texted me one night and said, “lets go to a lesbian bar!” At first, I was a bit apprehensive. New territory…lifestyle…breaking my comfort zone? But I said, “Yeah, sure.” Also, my best friend doesn’t accept no for an answer, so I didn’t have much of a choice!
At the lesbian bar I felt…comfortable. The surroundings fascinated me. For the first time I kind of felt comfortable at a bar and actually was eager to talk to the women.
That was my first experience. It wasn’t long until I began to frequent lesbian bars every week. I felt so comfortable talking to the people there and it unleashed my attraction and encouragement to pursue them and explore.
A Lesbian is Born
When I first kissed a female…I felt it. I was gay. For the first time ever, it FINALLY felt right.
I guess you can say I lived my best gay life soon there after. It was exciting because it felt like dating all over again. I struggled dating men for years, always felt nervous and uncomfortable to go on a date. I just thought I was shy for years.
Now going on dates with women – I couldn’t be more elated. I got the good butterflies and the best feels. Coming out made me feel like my best self. I think it was an easier transition for me, because I knew I was in the right place based on my past experiences.
My Coming Out Story
Coming out to my parents was uplifting and discouraging. I came out to my siblings first, our generation is more understanding and accepting.
As for my father, he guessed it! I didn’t bring home a guy in over five years. One day we went for a run in the hot South Carolina sun and he asked me if I still liked men? (I think he meant jokingly, but also was slightly curious.) I busted into tears, screaming, “I don’t know!” We then stopped running and he gave me the biggest hug. My dad is a doctor and by far, the most nonjudgemental person I have ever known. He said, “It’s OK, science has proven that we cannot fight attraction. There has been countless tests to prove there is nothing wrong with you.”
My dad is a very smart man. He speaks when it’s necessary, and he’s always to the point. I need to hear his response, and it made coming out much easier. All I needed was the simple recognition of understanding, and I got it.
Coming out to my mom. My mom is very warm and loving, but grew up very old-school in a Ukrainian household. Raised to only date Ukrainian men and forbidden to speak english at home. So, it was difficult to figure out when was right to come out to her.
I was at home visiting her and I still couldn’t say it. When I arrived back in NYC I decided I couldn’t wait any longer. I called her and told her I’ve been dating women. Even though she was surprised, she handled it very well. It felt so good coming out to her. We ended our conversation with her saying, “Whatever will be will be.” Her acceptance has grown stronger over the years, and I’m so proud of her.
I Met the Girl of My Dreams
I met my current life partner, Victoria, at a gay and lesbian bar in NYC called the Cubbyhole. It’s a small, eclectic spot that my friends and I frequent on random nights. Never was a place for me to meet women. However, Bethany convinced me to come out for a drink one Saturday night. There, I met someone. She was literally a breath of fresh air. I never met anyone like her. Her energy, light, and personality was engaging and I immediately fell. HARD. She completed me.
Victoria and I dated for a year and a half until she proposed. Then after nearly three years from our random Cubbyhole encounter, we got married at City Hall! I can’t imagine my life without her.
Share Your Coming Out Story
I truly enjoy hearing everyone’s coming out story. It’s inspiring and provides a glimpse into someones life and character. You learn so much from someone’s story and I hope mine was helpful for women out there. It took courage and strength, but I was able to remove the guard, and allow myself to explore and experience life from a different lens. Everyday I remind myself that no matter what I’m living my life to the fullest. If I was still the same girl seven years ago, I may not know where I’d be. I know I would not be writing this post, nor managing a blog at all! Coming out was the initial step into my beautiful and grateful life. Since coming out, I’ve grown stronger which empowered a voice and manifested my confidence.
If there was one thing you can take away from my coming out story, is to let go of your guard and live. Live for experiences, learnings, and fascinating people that cross your path. You’ll amaze yourself.